How I ended up on my pursuit of wellness and how you can too
I just want to start by saying I’m really, really glad you’re here.
I’ve had my share of obstacles and moments where I didn’t think I could possibly continue on,
and I know I’m not the only one. There have been times when just getting through another
day felt like the most challenging task I could ever face, and if that resonates with you, I want
you to know I hear you, I’m rooting for you, and you matter.
Where it all started
If you’re new here, or even if you’re not, you might not realize that my wellness journey didn’t
start as this glamorous, romanticized story. I started as a total beginner. I wasn’t wearing cute
Alo sets to pilates or working out in a particularly upscale gym. I turned to fitness because I
had reached a “rock bottom” moment where I knew I couldn’t go on living the way I had been.
It was my turning point, where I realized I needed to make a serious change. I look back now,
and I’m so grateful for that experience. I always say it’s almost a blessing to reach a point
where you have no choice but to improve, progress, and move forward. Is it scary? Yes. Is it
hard? No doubt. But in my opinion, everything that’s really worth it in life is challenging and
worth the hard work. You’re worth the hard work.
And to me, that’s the best thing about wellness — there’s always more to learn and more
ways to grow, which is kind of how I got here. I’m constantly on this everchanging pursuit of
wellness, and even though it took so much blood, sweat, and tears to get here, I wouldn’t want
it any other way.
Hitting rock bottom
When I had reached rock bottom during college and realized it was time for a serious change,
I had been struggling with my mental health and BPD, self-harm, alcoholism, and honestly,
just a massive lack of self-worth and love. I dive much deeper into my upbringing and all the
topics I mentioned in my solo episode, so be sure to give that a listen at the link below.
I was diagnosed with BPD, also known as borderline personality disorder, and I was put on a
list of medications — antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety, it was a lot. I felt like I
had completely lost my personality and a grip on reality, I didn’t even know who I was. I
think I was just hurting really badly, again, for various reasons I won’t dive into too deeply
here, but I was definitely just hurting and looking for ways to deal with it.
And pulling myself out of it
At this point, I had dropped out of college and returned home, and I realized I had no real plan
for my life and that I was on my own. It was then that it really hit me that I was the only person
who could pull myself out of this hole I had dug into. That’s when I got back in touch with Greg,
my now-husband, whom I had met in college.
I was so inspired by him and his dedication to fitness. He was a bodybuilder, cooked every
meal for himself, was at the gym daily, drank his water, etc. He wasn’t out partying until 3:00
am, he was taking care of himself. At the time, we were barely starting to speak again, and I
asked him like, “I really want to do this. Can you help me?” So, this is really where I found my
passion for weightlifting and nutrition.
I wasn’t taking care of myself physically, let alone mentally. So when I did, prioritizing these
habits became my obsession. Looking back, yes, this was a weight loss fitness journey, but it
was so much more than that. I was incapable of living a normal life — I couldn’t even walk into
a grocery store without being triggered by the cashier. My BPD was dictating everything I did. I
was crying, I was having outbursts, I felt like everyone was disrupting my peace all the time. I
was still self-harming and learning how to control these negative behaviors I had relied on for
so long, so this was a journey of becoming mentally tough.
I wanted to become a person who could handle anything, and I figured the best way to start
was by putting myself through a challenging workout every day. If I could make it through
that tough workout, then I could make it through a trip to the grocery store, and maybe I
could make it through school again, and maybe I could get a job. It was really about keeping
my promises and showing myself I could do hard things because I had never proved to
myself that I could before.
You can do it too
So many people find themselves in this place at some point in their lives. Finding yourself is
arguably one of the hardest things I think we’re tasked with, and there are so many
challenges and obstacles we’re forced to face along the way. Honestly, if it were easy to face
yourself and actively choose to become a better version of yourself every day, everyone
would do it. This sh*t is not for the weak! Trust me, I know what it’s like not to know where to
start, but that’s the thing. You’ll never know. There will never be a “right time.” You just have to
start and keep going. You owe it to yourself to keep those promises, tap into your potential,
and thrive. I promise you’re capable of so much more than you could ever imagine, you just
have to believe in yourself and make little choices that get you closer to who you want to be
every day.
So, ultimately, I lost 90 pounds on my fitness journey and found my true potential. I tapped
into a part of my personality that I had never seen before, like I was a completely different
person and one I actually admired. I found a crazy work ethic, discipline, commitment, and
self-worth. I had never valued my body before; I had never looked in the mirror and loved who
I saw looking back at me, and suddenly I had so much love for myself. Not just on a physical
level, but because I knew what it took to get to this point and how hard I had worked to do it.
Ultimately, I was proud of myself and knew I never wanted to return to where I started.
If you had told me ten or even five years ago that I would be here right now, helping others on
their own journey through self-discovery and wellness, I would have laughed in your face. But
anything, and I mean anything, can happen. I know it’s so easy to see other people’s
transformations and think that can’t be you, or feel like it’s impossible, but I promise you aren’t
the exception. You can do anything you set your mind to, and I wholeheartedly believe that
because I did it, and there was a point in my life where I was positive I wouldn’t have been
able to come this far.
I hope the Pursuit of Wellness helps you tap into the unique potential you have inside of you,
and serves as a weekly reminder that it’s never too late to do the work, choose yourself, and
become a better version of yourself.
I’m rooting for you every step of the way!